some truth

Over the past few months I feel like I’ve kind of been failing at life. I haven’t been doing as well at getting things done, I’m in a near perpetual state of dis-motivation. I’ve sat down and started so many posts, but I feel like I can’t get out the words I need to say. I’ve been out of the loop, and it feels like I’m standing to the side while life passes me by. I started prayer journaling, and I think it’s helping me work through some of the funk. I’m implementing habits, and trying different ways of going about the things I need to be doing, working towards getting  back to the place I want to be, but I’ve been very discouraged. I’ve been afraid to try hard to succeed, because I’m just so afraid to fail. I spent a couple months at the end of last year almost avoiding God. I think that was one of the first steps I took in this direction. At the beginning of 2020 I started praying and seeking God in my life again. He’s opening my eyes to the toxic mindset that I’ve been clinging to for the past 6 months. Showing me that I need to live my life and not be afraid to fail, that I need to stop dwelling on the past and letting it define who I am.  To do the things I need to do, and to keep the commitments I’ve made to others. I want to be able to be a positive example, to have such an undeniable witness that it’s impossible to look down on me because I am young. To not chicken out or take short-cuts because it seems like the easier way, or because I think that I can’t do the things I need to do. I don’t need to see the future to be able to give things my best shot in the present. It’s taken me a while to realise that, but the more I do my best. When I actually try and don’t spend more time weighing the possibility of failure than I spend working towards success, the closer I come to what I think is the right track. I don’t want to be afraid to fail just because I can’t see what’s coming. I have taken months to learn that the hard way, but I hope it will keep me on track in the future.

4 thoughts on “some truth

  1. awwwwhhhh sending you the biggest hugs ❤️❤️❤️ This was such a heartfelt post and I’m so happy that you have started walking towards God, I’ve began to do the same, especially during this quarantine 🙂 Loved this post and just so you know: You are never a failure ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough patch! It must have been hard sharing this very personal post but, I’m sending you virtual hugs over here!!! God has also helped me through some tough times so, I’m glad your getting love and support! Also if you ever need to chat, swing me a message at xoxlucy444@gmail.com

    Liked by 1 person

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