a rant, because my life isn’t going the way I think it should.


This past week has been crazy. I kind of feel like everything has been happening whirlwind style, and I’m really struggling to keep up with it all. We’ve been open for new placements for a full week now. I anticipated getting a new kid within the first couple of days, but all the calls that we’ve gotten so far have been seven plus hours away from us, and two out of three have been for respite care. I also started Violin lessons, which I’ve literally been looking forward to for years at this point. Two of the orphaned kittens that I had been bottle feeding died last week, which was really disheartening.

 At the beginning of this past week I was feeling in fantastic control of everything, I thought I was doing so well, and then everything went wrong. I do feel lost. My emotions are in a hectic state, the uncertainty of everything has really gotten to me over the past few days. I’m a perfectionist, and I hate to feel out of control. But that’s how I feel. I feel like I should be able to let everything out, write it all down and feel better, but every time I sit down at my laptop and start to type I’m at a loss for words. The things that come out of my brain are gibberish, and somehow it only makes me feel worse. 

So what’s my point in all of this? Not only do I want to make sense of the way I feel about life in general, but I want to let other people in. I don’t want to internalize how I feel, and for me the best way to let it out is to write it out here and turn it into a post. I want to help other people who feel the way that I do, to know that it’s not only okay to feel like life is out of your control, but it’s also okay to share those feelings with other people. I’m not saying any of this to say woah is me, to complain, or to make you pity me. I’m not even saying it to say that I wish I wasn’t doing any of those things that have contributed to me feeling out of control. I love this stuff.

 I guess my point is that sometimes life isn’t perfect, sometimes we’re not made up of the kinds of things we’d like to show off to the world around us. Doubts, fears, uncertainties, confusion. Those things don’t feel fun, but if we open our eyes and look around those things, the joy that those things bring us when we stick with them, is worth the struggle. 

My original point in sitting down here was to chat about our current foster situation. Well, we’re still waiting for a new placement, the calls are still coming, the decisions that my parents are making are still undeniably tough for them, but I know that we’ll get a call for a placement that will fit into our house, whose life will be benefited by our family, and our lives by them. And I know that moment will make all the doubts, and the waiting, worth it. We opened for new placements last Tuesday, and haven’t gotten any calls in the last five days. It stresses me out a bit, it’s outside of every other experience I’ve had with the foster system before, but I guess it’s good that they aren’t as desperate for foster homes right now as the have been for the past year. The right call will come in the right timing, and until then I am ready to wait I guess.

 Right now, the stuff that I’m saying seems a little crazy, even to me. But I trust that everything will be worked out in the right timing. For me, and for you. I don’t know what’s going on with you as you’re reading this. But I believe that God has a purpose for you, even if it’s not clear yet. And we just have to wait, it’s up to us to do what we know is right, and to trust that the rest will be taken care of in the right timing.

I hope you enjoyed this little brain dump of mine. If you did, please feel free to comment any thoughts, or suggestions for other things that you would like to see me talk about in the realm of makeup or lifestyle. And also follow my blog if you like what you see. If you’re looking for more from me, follow my instagram @not_molly_19. Thanks for reading, and until next time, Bye! 

(Waves from behind screen.)

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