This post is about my thoughts and feeling about trekking through life with chronic illness, and also about being ‘perfect’. For those of you who don’t know, when I was 13 I was diagnosed with sibo, or small intestinal bacterial overgrowth, which is a form of Irritable Bowl Syndrome. I don’t like to talk about my weaknesses, and struggles. I want to think I’m independent enough to handle anything on my own, I’m not, and I try so hard to create the illusion of false perfection to protect myself. There are parts of life that will eat you alive if you try to conceal them by not talking about them. For me, this is one of them. I don’t talk to people without some reserve. I try to keep myself safe from other people’s opinions that way I guess. Sometimes I think I would rather metaphorically ‘follow my friends off a cliff’ than be honest about how I really feel. The things is, the longer I keep these ‘imperfections’ to myself the more of a toll it takes on me, and the more pressure I put on myself to continue performing as though everything is perfect, even when it’s not. I want to put this out there because I want other people to know that someone understands. Someone cares. And there is someone on your side. I always roll my eyes a little when people say that on social media. If I’ve never met you, how can I be cheering for you, understanding how you feel, caring about you, and be on your side? I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that I don’t know who you are, or what you believe, but I’m praying for you. And I hope that can be an encouragement to you. Also, feel free to reach out to me, I promise I don’t bite. (lol) This is me, trying my hardest to be truthful, and to put myself out there. Even if “being frank” like this is the equivalent of yelling it out in an empty field. I’m tired of ‘being perfect’. Because, I’m not, and I think that once I yell out my frank feelings in the middle of this empty field I’ll see that the truth is better than false perfection. Chronic Illness is a thing that some people will never understand. But to some extent, I do. This is my life too.
(If you want me to talk more about my experiences with sibo, or ‘being perfect’, or anything else I mentioned, just ask. )
Signed, your friendly neighborhood blogger.